Another year has passed and time really moves so quickly. I could just remember how eager I was to finish school for so many different reasons one of which was for me to be able to go to the
I can still remember how I exactly felt during Christmas 2005 it was probably the first Christmas wherein it didn’t feel like the holiday season. All I could remember during that night was that I was crying silently in my bed until I fell asleep. It was the first time in my life that I actually felt that Christmas was just yet another day. And starting the New Year at this tone was not really the way to go.
Despite all these sadness I carried with me there were still good things that was in stored for me for the year 2006 but it did not come easy. At some point, in school I was continuously challenged by my teacher personally I felt that I was just never going to make it to my graduation. The constant pressure and the load that I was carrying it seemed like I was just getting by the end of the 2nd semester.
I then started making a list of things I needed to accomplish to get myself back on track. I figured maybe this was what I needed, small steps and guidance to realize my dreams slowly but surely. I was so used of getting ahead of myself that more often than not I disappoint myself.
Little by little I was able to accomplish my goals I passed the 2nd semester and graduated with a Degree in Bachelor of Science in Nursing. It was like a breath of fresh air being able to finish school. Unexpectedly, I was able to earn myself a Leadership Award as well as a Silver Medal for my Community Service work. It felt good that I was leaving school with a great sense of accomplishment. And it made me realize even more how much I enjoy helping people and how much I want to be in this profession.
One moment that I could never ever forget was the time that we were in line during my graduation ceremony. My dad told me how much my mom wanted to be a nurse but she couldn’t due to family situations and I have accomplished that for her. Tears just started to fall down my eyes and I never realized how much this meant to my parents. By this time I feel I have accomplished a lot for myself but there were more things to come…
After graduation, it was so surreal that just when I thought I was out of school I had about 3 months to prepare myself for the Philippine Nursing Licensure Exams (PNLE). Intense review sessions, studying in Starbucks with big coffee cups and going from one review center to another from 8am to 9pm still did not seem to be enough to prepare myself for this turning point in my life.
June 11 and 12, 2006 was one of the longest days of my life. It was indeed a very hard exam… it was so hard that you could obviously see it in our faces it was funny that after the examinations when I was picked up by my mom and dad it seemed like all the student nurses who took it had the same expressions in their faces. At this point I think my parents have already conditioned themselves of me having the possibility of failing. I was just so depressed after the exams that even Max’s Fried Chicken couldn’t cheer me up.
A few weeks after our exam rumors and controversies started to circulate about a leakage that occurred with our board exam. At that time I did not know if I was going to be happy or not. I was happy because if I failed I could blame it on the leakage but at the same time I also felt sad because I did not want to go through what I went through for the second time around. I conditioned myself when I took the exam that I had no room for errors and mistakes and that I only had one chance so I just had to do my best.
Middle of July the results were released unexpectedly at midnight. I was chatting with my brother when the results were released. While I was chatting with him I was trying to find nursing related news to be posted at my new job as a moderator of an online Filipino Nursing Community called PinoyBSN. As I was going through the different websites I came across this article so I was browsing through it and then suddenly I saw a list of names and at that moment I just froze for a few seconds. I took a deep breath and told myself that eventually I had to face it. I was actually avoiding this moment in my life I thought it would be easier if my parents were to check out my name in the newspaper while I was sleeping and then they would just wake me up and tell me if I passed or failed. And so I faced my fear and looked for my name and it was there I was in denial at this point so I asked my brother to check the article out and asked him to confirm it for me cause I really thought I was delusional because sometimes you have these moments wherein you wanted it to be there so badly so in your head you know that it is actually there even when its not and then he replied and said “Yes you passed”. So at this point I wasn’t delusional I was crazy so many thoughts were in my head already I turned to my mom while she was washing the plates and told these exact words “Mom RN na ako” oh my gosh the sparkle in her eyes it was unbelievable and after that I just cried and I never saw my mom that happy she was so ecstatic and take note it was in the middle of the night. My dad as usual was very calm and composed but I know deep inside his heart he was very happy for me. I mean that same day he SMS most of his friends, he asked to cook food for people as if it was my birthday, we ate outside with relatives I mean he was really happy for me and he did it in such a subtle way but I could feel it he was happy.
I never appreciated my name so much till that moment that I saw it on the newspaper I was just so used to writing it on a test paper and application forms and seeing it on certificates and other documents. Before it was just a name but now I really take pride in carrying that name it has been to places far more than I could just imagine and I know it will have more places to go to.
Last September, I took yet another exam the IELTS. I hurdled through this exam literally as I took it when Milenyo hit
Just recently I found out that I got my eligibility to take the NCLEX-RN exam. This really is the moment of truth for me, the last exam that I have to battle and pass. It does scare me most of the time just thinking about it because it can make or break me.
I remember talking to God when I was taking my PNLE how important it was for me to make it since it was the turning point of my life. How it mattered for me to pass the exam since as much as I have a BSN degree but if I haven’t passed the PNLE then it would not make much of a difference. Now I talk to him everyday and tell him how the NCLEX-RN could be the ultimate turning point of my life as it not only determines my future but my entire life. I tell him that if I am able to get through this last exam this is the only time I could start on my own and continue pursuing other things I planned for myself, my family and the things I promised him that I would try and do.
I end this year with more of a happy note as compared to what I had the previous year. In a way it seems like I was refueled.
My mom and dad in a few years time can now start a life on their own not worrying much about us. I remember my dad targeting the age of 50 as the age of retirement wherein he and my mom can live a life of their own. Unfortunately they are now 51 and they still have a lot to do with me. I challenge myself that hopefully by the age of 53 I can give that to my mom and dad so they can start building their lives not for us but for themselves.
As for my brother, it is pretty tough not having him around especially with what I have been through this year. I was so used to having him around in all of highlights of my life. I wish he could have been at my side to share with my unforgettable moments this year after all aside from my parents he was the best inspiration I could have to work harder in achieving my goals in life.
But now that I have this last hurdle to go through I will really make sure to do my best and eventually he would be there with me to celebrate my triumph and witness everything first hand.
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